I am currently busy with the incredible Coaches For Freedom (CFF) that will be conducting a workshop with PPF for Youth Day. I had all my points mapped out for this blog and decided to park it because something quite profound emerged through this period and this blog aims to honour the EXPERIENCES of life and not the illusionary structures of SHOULD BE. Perhaps this also speaks to the Story. A Story always has a moment where the Hero or Protagonist struggles with a ‘crisis’ that sets the tone for the chapters ahead. Perhaps this is my struggle, my animal to wrestle
I was planted on the floor of a CFF team member’s house surrounded by the founding team. We came together to ‘design’ the workshop we are due to conduct. The theme of authenticity came through strongly and even more so the FEAR that invades a life like a virus and takes over. This unleashed something in me, it seemed that this conversation opened the door to ghosts I kept tucked away in the recesses of my psyche…the creaking of the door opening was enough to scare me… the old familiarity of these Beings sent a cold shiver through my body… I remember them well, I stayed rooted in place as they emerged one by one, making their way toward me.
I have personally struggled with anxiety and depression. I know now that there is a strong genetic correlation but even more I am discovering that a deep SOUL fear is the ruler behind all the Ghosts I packed away and are now released. What do I mean by SOUL fear? It not a phobia i.e. fear of crowds, fear of heights, generalised anxiety. Nor is it particularly a DSM defined fear (even though they are present). It is: STUCKNESS of essence.
The body holds a deep wisdom that our cognitive and even emotional centres struggle to process. Lets start with this to explore the fear (this will all tie to Story later). Think back to times in your life where you felt unsafe, overwhelmed and unheard. Draw on those EXACT moments, what were you thinking, what were you feeling? Now slide back into that memory like a coat. Feel the stretch as you settle into that younger body. Flex your fingers, scrunch and release your toes, rotate your neck.
What are you feeling in THAT body NOW? Did your breath hitch? Did it speed up? Stop altogether? Did you crumple your body inward? Did you perhaps ball up your fists and push out? What was it? Fight, freeze or flight or a combination. You might be wondering where this is leading… Fight that impulse, just go with the body and slowly bring out each of these memories and re-embody that. Jot down the words you felt… put that aside and centre yourself.
NOW we are starting to surface the Soul fears because we can FEEL this on all levels of being. What trends are you picking up? In which situations are they different? All of these reactions come from a place of a type of fear. Normally the base fears we experience are (1) Abandonment (2) Engulfment and (3) Non-Being. IF we can face the EMBODIED experience of each type of fear we can start working with a SOUL fear.
These fears are often intertwined, and at times like dominoes, causing a cascade into all areas of our lives. They make their way into the Stories we develop, the narrative. The process of healing and starting a new Story begins with becoming AWARE of these Fears and slowly pulling them apart, the separation to get to the Self.
Dance is a beautiful art form and merging this with the right music can illustrate a theme, feeling or idea that words could not reach. The video below was choreographed with the story of addiction personified by the male dancer. To an extent our Fears can be an addiction, this then manifests into habits and somatic reactions. I invite you to watch this and pay attention to YOUR thoughts, feelings and what flows through your body. Perhaps this could start your journey back to Self